'No one ever gifts the father baby stuff': Expecting dad buys his wife $2000 stroller for Christmas, gets chewed out for counting baby items as gifts for her

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Dec 25, 2023 5:00 PM EST

You should strike a certain balance when buying gifts for an expecting mother. She's going through a massive shift in her life, and you don't want to reduce her to this new duty she's taking on. If I was pregnant and the only things people could think to get me for Christmas were novelty t-shirts for my baby, I would be miffed. However, if you're constantly talking about how much you want a specific expensive item for your baby, I don't think it would be the worst thing in the world for someone to get it for you. In fact, I think it would be nice to get your partner the specific luxury item they've explicitly desired that they want, and that's precisely what an expecting dad did for his wife. When she realized certain items were off her registry, he told her he bought them for her for Christmas, and her response was less than ideal. 

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  • 01
    0.20 r/AmltheAsshole u/Many_Ad_3717 • 1d AITA for buying baby related gifts to gift my pregnant girlfriend for Christmas? Asshole POO Mode So my (25M) partner (24F) is 7 months pregnant, with our baby boy due in March next year.
    via u/Many_Ad_3717
  • 02
    Now I'm admittedly bad at thinking of what gifts to get people, so I always take a note of when they say they want something so that I have a list. In the past several months though, almost everything that she's mentioned has been related to the baby. I'm not talking the essentials, but really high end, expensive designer strollers, furniture, diaper bags etc that can cost up to a few thousand dollars each that aren't really necessary. She's been absolutely fixated on some of these things, menti
    via u/Many_Ad_3717
  • 03
    Now I got a really healthy bonus at work recently, so decided to splurge on a few of the things she mentioned as a christmas gift to her. I made sure to remove anything related off her registry and off our list of things we still needed to buy, so that no one else would buy it. I thought I did it discreetly, but she somehow noticed and quizzed me about it. I didn't feel like there was any point hiding it, so I told her I had bought those things as a Christmas gift to her. I thought she'd be grat
    via u/Many_Ad_3717
  • 04
    Now I get her point, but the way I see it is that the items themselves aren't necessarily the gift, but more so the act of me buying them for her, given they are luxuries that she specifically wanted and were not necessities at all (e.g. paying $2000 for a pram vs $200). Also, it wasn't the only gift's I bought her. I got her about a dozen smaller, cheaper things that were on my list, as well as a more expensive tennis bracelet + earring set that she had been eyeing, though I didn't mention that
    via u/Many_Ad_3717
  • 05
    crazycrockpotlady. 1d I'd have worded that you used your bonus to surprise her. And given them at the shower vs using them as Christmas. Especially since you bought the jewelry set she was wanting as her Christmas gift. Same outcome different intention. Reply 49.9k
    via u/crazycrockpotlady
  • 06
    Many_Ad_3717 OP • 1d Yeah, that probably would've been a better idea. 3.1k
    via u/Many_Ad_3717
  • 07
    MmaappUy 1d ● Or just say they Christmas presents FOR THE BABY. I think mildly YTA but for saying the presents are for her instead of for the baby. 43.4k ↓ ...
    via u/MmaappUy
  • 08
    1d happybanana134. Supreme Court Just- [112] YTA. Yea, baby gifts aren't a gift for her, she's right. But I'd actually say Y T A because instead of listening to what she's saying, you're here trying to justify it. She's telling you she doesn't want to just be a mother, she wants to be a person too - pregnancy can be really rough on women in terms of identity. Acknowledge her point & reassure her that you have got her a present for her. ↑ 5k ↓ ... Reply
    via u/happybanana134
  • 09
    Many_Ad_3717 OP • 1d That's a good point. I guess I'm seeing things from the perspective where I know I've bought her a lot of other gifts I know she wanted, but from her end she probably thinks that's all I've gotten her. And I know I'd probably feel the same way if I was in her shoes. ... 1.8k
    via u/Many_Ad_3717
  • 10
    happybanana134 1d Supreme Court Just- . [112] Exactly- she doesn't know about the bracelet etc. What she's seeing is a potential future where she's only 'mother' and gifts for the kid (s) are considered gifts for her. ... 1.3k
    via u/happybanana134
  • 11
    embopbopbopdoowop. 1d Colo-rectal Surgeon [47] YTA She's absolutely right - these are things for the baby, not her. You will both use them to care for your child. By making them gifts for her, you've effectively assigned the baby to her. It's hers, her responsibility, and here's the stuff to go with it. Not cool. If you want to buy things in preparation for the baby, do so. That's great. Don't wrap them and put them under the tree for your partner. Reply 2.1k
    via u/embopbopbopdoowop
  • 12
    AdFantastic5292 • 1d Yep. Next he'll be "helping" or "babysitting" ... 672
    via u/AdFantastic5292
  • 13
    Mistral19 1d ● On reading the title I thought YTA as a gift for the baby is definitely not a gift for the pregnant mum. However, as she wants all really high end stuff, I think you should have just had a conversation with her. As in saying, ' we have a budget of $75 for a diaper bag. If you want a designer bag, it will need to be part of your Christmas present, as I can't afford to pay $800 for that plus expensive Christmas gifts. Then she could have decided if that means more to her than someth
    via u/Mistral19
  • 14
    HighlyImprobable42 1d. Partassipant [2] I agree with this entirely. When the price tag for a baby item is excessive, it becomes less of a gift for thr baby and more of a gift for the parent(s). Does she really want to put poop in her $800 bag? Because diaper bags mean carrying everything from time to time. ● 400
    via u/HighlyImprobable42
  • 15
    Many_Ad_3717 OP • 1d She does work, but I earn significantly more than her, and we both expect me to be the main source of income for everything baby related, especially the more expensive things e.g furniture and the likes. Her job is directly related to babies/kids so she gets a lot of recommendations from the parents on what products are worth the money. 4151 ↓ ...
    via u/Many_Ad_3717
  • 16
    ProcrastinationGay 1d. Partassipant [1] So she actually knows what she wants to buy and isnt after just the most expensive thing, does research and looks for recommendations. If you plan on having more children maybe even the 2000$ pram makes kinda sense (you can also sell it later if you don't plan on having more, or gift it to your children in the future).
    via u/ProcrastinationGay
  • 17
    Also just because one item is on the list means that she NEEDS to have it, maybe she expected someone more well of to gift it to you guys and not that u spend the christmas bonus money on it in secret. (i mean ur money but something that expensive should normally be discussed) You had the right idea but claiming that it is for "her" while it is actually for your child is wrong. Like others said, she is your wife and not only ur baby mama. 199
    via u/ProcrastinationGay
  • 18
    DeepPossession8916. 1d I'm firmly NTA on this actually. There's wanting and needing things for the baby, and there's wanting what is perceived as the top of the line for your ego. Not that she should have to get by without little luxuries if you all can afford them. But if you've not been on the page about a $2000 crib and you finally say "well if she really wants it I'll splurge on it for the holidays" I don't see the problem with that. PLUS you got her other gifts. She's kind of spoiling her o
    via u/DeepPossession8916
  • 19
    Yoroyo • 1d I don't understand so many other comments here, this is the answer. I don't have kids but if I wanted the designer version of xyz that's for ME. baby doesn't give a about designer items. 4275 ↓
    via u/Yoroyo
  • 20
    danarexasaurus. 1d I do have kids and all this YTA stuff is bonkers. SHE wants designer items for her baby. He does not. How dare people give him buying her exactly the things she wants (that literally only matter to her! for ... 198
    via u/danarexasaurus
  • 21
    DeepPossession8916 1d Everyone here is apparently rich or is getting too excited by the fact that OP sounds rich. I'm pregnant right now, and my Christmas list to my husband was nursing tops and a cart to keep my freaking maxi pads and nipple creams on My husband's list was work shoes and a lunchbox for work. But that's just what we need right now! Like I'm sorry that OP bought thousands of dollars of designer baby items at his wife's request. That absolutely counts as a gift to me. 4 150
    via u/DeepPossession8916

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Babies christmas pram relationship gifts baby presents present relationship-drama christmas presents dad stroller mom strollers parents
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